I’m not used to this…
Poor Nikki (My Boxing Trainer).
I was totally frustrated and feeling emotional right in the middle of a boxing session.
He did the one thing I was trying my hardest to avoid – he gave me direct eye contact.
As soon as he looked at me – looked right at me, I crumbled and let the tears come.
I’d been trying to hold it in ever since the warm up started and knew it was going to be tough to hide it. But I’ve learnt over the years that crying is a part of life – it’s not a sign of weakness – it’s just simply emotions. Something we should feel and then move on from.
So after our 2nd Round of Boxing, I just stopped and cried.
Hats off to him because he handled it really well. I didn’t want to quit nor stop the session, I just wanted to express myself – my true self.
And in that moment it was a woman who was at her emotional limit after managing a shoulder injury for 2 years. 2 years of pain, discomfort, uncertainty, treatments, massage, driving back and forward to appointments, rehab, organising babysitters for the girls, maxing out my private health rebate very early in the year and trying to stay positive about the whole thing.
Not being able to brush my hair some days and let’s not even talk about how I get my sport tops on and off.
So I’d decided to take up Boxing with Nikki late last year because I was sidelined with my strength training and wanted to do something to keep moving.
Some days it was ok and pain-free, and some days it wasn’t and that day was one of those days where the pain would shoot up my neck and I had trouble keeping my arm up.
The good thing though was that the week prior I had just got some answers.
After getting a referral for a MRI the diagnosis came back with a 13th Floating Rib on my cervical spine. Normally you have 12 Ribs, but little ol me has something extra in my neck that’s sticking out.
You can’t see it, but trust me I can feel it!
It’s abnormal but not dangerous and for whatever reason has only caused me problems in the last few years.
Life will do that to you sometimes – give you something that doesn’t make any sense and frustrate the hell out of you.
This space is not something I’m used to.
The space of patience, the space of lowering my expectations and accepting of where I am at right now. The space of wanting and trying to do something, but feeling the disappointment sometimes anyway.
So many days and so many training sessions have had me thinking, “What the hell am I doing this for?!”
I refuse to quit.
I refuse to quit on me.
I deserve to be pain-free. I deserve to be fit & strong. I deserve my peak health.
These little mantras have been repeated a million times in my mind.
And you know what.
You deserve them too.
If you are in-that-space as well, hang in there.
This space will not and does not last forever.
It simply can’t.
Nothing lasts forever.
And, things will get better.
They always have and they always will.
That’s the story I’m telling myself and I think you should use the same story too.