When things don’t go to plan….
It’s ironic to sit here and read over my last blog post to you.
It was right before I set off for my NZ adventure…
“Fear can be such a strong emotion and the more I’ve felt it in my life, the more I’ve grown to respect it.
And the older I get, the more I realise fear will never go away – it will always be there especially when I want to try something new, or do something again, that I couldn’t do the first time.
It’s a real thing.
But you can’t let it stop you – life is way too short.
Feel the fear and do things anyway, I say.”
It’s ironic, because Fear is exactly what I stared in the eyes in New Zealand.
The kind of fear that sets your adrenal glands to overdrive and makes your heart beat so loud that it pounds in your ears and in your chest.
If we haven’t caught up yet on my NZ adventure the short story is, I got a helicopter out of there.
The long story needs a few bottles of wine with you.
It was on the side of a Mountain that was covered in shale and no clear paths downwards that I felt this fear. Slipping and sliding with my 16kg Backpack throwing my balance off and with rocks being dislodged – it was no longer an adventure for me, but a mission to get down to the bottom alive.
As I felt this fear I fought back tears and took deep breaths looking up to the sky….trying to find something to calm my nerves and give me the inner-strength to hold my shit together.
Losing my nerve on that Mountain was not an option as I knew it would lead me to freeze – where fear takes hold of you and turns into terror.
A girlfriend asked me recently about this fear… “When did it turn from normal fear to more than that?
I guess the real fear set in when I realised I had to get down to the bottom of the slope, but for the life of me, had no idea what steps to take and how to descend safely. Sliding down on my butt with my hiking poles to stop myself was the extent of my skill set.
There were no ropes, there certainly was no path to follow and flashes came to me of slipping and not being able to stop myself – not a pretty or confidence boosting picture to visualise.
Being in the moment, I remember thinking about my girls laughing and smiling and visualizing Tony at the bottom of that Mountain coaching me on (as he has done in the past with any outdoor adventures we’ve undertaken).
The feeling of isolation was heightened and being separated from them with no form of communication was very unsettling.
One woman was below me on the mountain descending and 2 others were right above me and we were all feeling fear in different ways.
My mind was racing with….“Get me out of here!” and with every step and slip we all made it down to the bottom safely.
Reaching solid ground was the best feeling ever and I had instant clarity with the fear I felt.
It was real.
It was something to respect.
And it highlighted the gross lack of my skills that was clearly needed to manage this terrain safely.
I no longer felt comfortable, I no longer felt safe and there was no question in my mind of just sucking it up and pushing on.
It was not a matter of toughening up.
There was real risk involved and I believe that being tough involves knowing when to call it quits.
It was awkward and uncomfortable to face the conversation of leaving and not finishing the adventure, but I knew that NOT speaking up was weak, so I did speak up and had conversations about options, opinions and the next (literal) steps moving forward.
There is one thing I am sure of and re-learned from this.
You have just got to listen to your gut and be brave enough to have those tough conversations.
Nothing worthwhile in life is ever earned from walking on easy-street.
Back yourself and your decisions.
Stand your ground.
Even when it’s uncomfortable to do so.
P.S. Nate is leaving in July for a l-o-n-g holiday without a return date so it’s a sad time as we get ready to say Bon Voyage to him.
To celebrate his awesomeness we are having a WOD Comp where you can train with him 1 last time!
CrossFit Zenergy Pairs WOD COMP!
- Friday Night 3rd July
- 2 events with a 5pm start for 6:30pm finish
- Pairs event…so organise your partner asap!
- Mixed, Ladies & Mens pairs
- Age groups will be Opens, 40+ and 50+!
- Hang around for the part after to celebrate Nate’s farewell!
Pop your Pairs Name on the Register at the Gym!